A lot of parents tend to impose rules of their own defined by their own experience with their parents and other lessons imposed on them by life. Parents are so consumed by their own way of bringing up kids that they tend miss some obvious mistakes they might be committing. Here's 15 of those that parents often tend to overlook.
(To avoid writing "he or she" repeatedly, I'll assume that the child is female.)
Author: Daniel Wong
1. Never Call her "stupid" or "useless"
It's shocking that, in a fit of anger, many parents call their child "stupid" or "useless". Cruel words like these can remain etched in her mind for a lifetime.
2. Do not decide everything for her
Doing this can make her feel like she's being restricted and that she's not wise or intelligent enough to make her own choices.
3. Do not overemphasize the importance of obedience
Some parents do everything they can to raise an obedient child, but this can come at the expense of the parent-child relationship.
4. Show affection at every possible instance
When parents rarely show affection, the child may begin to question whether she is loved.
5. Never Discipline her when you are angry
Discipline should be carried out when the parents are calm. Caning or spanking the child shouldn't just be an immediate reaction to something she has done.
6. Do not show conditional love
Parents wound a child psychologically when they appear to show love and concern only when she performs well in school or when she's well behaved. Children need to know that their parents' love is unconditional.
7. Never compare her with her siblings or with other children her age
Every child is unique, so she shouldn't be made to feel as if she's living in the shadow of someone else.
8. Do not praise her for her ability, praise her instead of her effort
Praising the child for her commendable effort will encourage her to develop new skills and try out new things, instead of doing only the tasks that she has already proven her aptitude in.
9. Don’t do the mistake of setting boundaries but not enforcing them
Parents often set boundaries with regard to behaviour, sleeping time, household chores, etc. When these boundaries are not enforced, it causes the child to become confused and, possibly, defiant.
10. Do not allow your emotions to get the better of them
Based on my observations, the majority of parenting mistakes occur when parents fail to control their emotions. When parents allow negative emotions to get the better of them, it indirectly gives the child the permission to do the same. This manifests itself in the form of temper tantrums and teenage angst.
11. Do not attempt to achieve their unfulfilled dreams through her
Many parents live vicariously through their children. This can, however, be unhealthy. Parents who force their child to study certain subjects or pursue certain careers—against her wishes—can cause her to become angry and resentful.
12. Do not continually bail her out of trouble
For example, if a child forgets to bring her mathematics textbook to school and is threatened with punishment, many parents would bail her out by bringing the textbook to school for her. This kind of parenting, however, doesn't teach her to take full responsibility for her choices and her life.
13. Never end arguments by saying "I know what's best for you"
Parents use this phrase as a kind of trump card, but it's hardly ever effective. Instead, parents should express how much they love and care for their child, all while stressing the fact that choices come with consequences that she will have to bear.
14. Do not shield her from challenges and discomfort
It's completely natural for parents to do this, but it usually isn't best for the child's long-term development. Challenges, discomfort and struggle are necessary for her to find enduring success.
15. Do not allow her to become the center of the family's universe
Many parents allow the child's wants and needs to determine the entire family's schedule, plans, etc. But when this is taken to an extreme, the home environment can become hectic and stressful. Instead, parents should make the child realize that she is an important member of the family, but that the world does not revolve around her.
About the Author and Source of article
Daniel Wong is an Education & Personal Excellence coach and speaker based out of Singapore. He writes regularly at www.daniel-wong.com. His recent article in Singapore Yahoo site talks of common mistakes that parents commit while raising kids. Reproducing the article for the benefit of Amruthavarshini website readers. Y